Ten legit freshman tips that will make your life easier

ML Prahasith/ October 15, 2016/ humour, listicle/ 0 comments

It’s been about two months since colleges have opened and about two months since loads of wide eyed teenagers have left their homes to attend college. Truly, it is a wonderful period for everyone. Teens move out, taking their teen angst with them. Parents are happy they finally have free time for the first time in 18 years. The freshman year of college is perhaps the worst, because you aren’t sure about what you can or cannot do and you have no way of getting away from sticky situations using your influence (because you have none). There are no explicit rules and the only way you find out about them is by breaking them and earning the scorn of your peers. In the past two months, most of us have found a groove and settled in, learning about the rules. For the ones that haven’t, this article shall help you find peace and make the best of your college years.

  1. Get Organized: Get some apps that help you make a Note of all the things that you have to do, like assignment deadlines, dates, doubt clarifications, exam dates, etc. Keep the notes organised in order of preference/importance
  2. Be Nice: This might be clichéd, but this is perhaps the most important rule. Be nice. Don’t be a jerk! No one likes a jerk. Wish everyone you know a good morning and wave at them from across the road when you see them. Make sure that they understand that you value them as a person. If anyone waves at you, wave back. If they don’t notice, wave once again. Wave wave until you succeed. They were probably distracted by the idiot behind you who was waving to them. But wait, why is your friend waving back at the idiot?
  3. Don’t be a pushover: You might think that the first step will lead to you being treated like a doormat by everyone, but you can prevent this from happening by learning to assert your dominance. Whenever anyone asks you for your notes, analyse their character and if you think they are good, wash, rinse, repeat. Now that you think they’re bad people, politely refuse and walk away looking sombre while flipping them off.
  4. Be a people person: This is obvious, but get to know everyone in your room’s vicinity. This’ll be helpful later when you’re in hot water and need help battling the Baphomet of the finals week. There are many ways that you can do this, but I suggest casually raiding their food supply when they’re not around and joking about it. This will get them accustomed for what is to come.
  5. Go to ALL the orientations: Yes. All of them. You can gain nifty trivia about your college for later and learn about the people who have the same interests as you do. This can be helpful for discovering your calling. When that happens, promptly realise that you aren’t a special snowflake and go back to working your posterior off and join the ever rolling march of capitalism. Be sure to be attentive in the orientations and make the most of them.
  6. Choose a place of study: Do this wisely, because you’ll have to stick to it. Studies have shown that studying in the same place increases productivity. Choose a place which is not cluttered, and if that isn’t possible, clean a bright place up. Any things that are relocated can be transferred to your roomie’s side. I’m sure they’ll appreciate that sweet Pink Floyd poster. And that GameCube. And that The Big Lebowski Poster. And that Pulp Fiction one.
  7. Get familiar with your professors: This is an important thing, because if you get familiar with your professors, it’ll help towards the end of the semester, when the grading is done. You can do this by visiting them during the designated visiting hours. You can also do this by constantly asking questions during class and questioning everything your professor writes on the board. No one appreciates an attentive student more than the professor. (Really, the others will hate you, but who cares, right?)
  8. Keep track of your money: If you feel that you are running out of money constantly, or are having a tough time paying rent, keep track of what money comes in and what goes out. You might even have a notebook or an app to help you. However, if you find that a friend of yours is borrowing money frequently, don’t confront him/her. Remember tip 2.
  9. Interactions with seniors: You see, you are a freshman. A naïve young’un with no knowledge of the scenario at college. You might unknowingly offend your seniors. So, keep a respectful distance and respect your seniors. If you want to befriend your seniors, remember to pick on and roast the beefiest one of the group. Remember not to be prejudiced when choosing the jock, though! It can be hurtful to those involved. Don’t forget to high five the other people after each successful burn. If they do not reciprocate, it is because they are awestruck at your awesomeness
  10. Grades: Ah! Grades. The only thing that you can show your future employers to convince them to hire you. Make sure that you aren’t ignoring your studies for extracurricular activities like clubs, LAN parties, drugs, and sleep. Make sure that you get the most of your time by not reading for tests until the night before the test. Studies have shown that studying the night before the test is the best time to prepare for the said test.

 

*** BONUS! BONUS! BONUS! ***

11. Reading: Please go to the nearest convenience store, purchase a vat of common sense and douse yourself with it, if you didn’t understand that this article was a joke.

I hope this article was useful to you, dear reader. I hope you have the best time of your life (so far) at college. Remember not to get disheartened and work hard. You deserve being in college.

Bye!

ML Prahasith

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